Comedy katta

  1) comedy jokes ( BBC & Scottish )  A roving reporter from the BBC was touring a remote part of the Scottish Highlands looking for material for a documentary about the way of life there. Reporter :- Hello there, excuse me, I'm from the BBC and I'm gathering material for a documentary about the way of life in the remote parts of the Scottish Highlands. You look like an interesting fellow, perhaps I could interview you? SCOTSMAN :- Certainly... Reporter :- Well, perhaps you could start by telling me your name? SCOTSMAN :- Well now there's a story. You, 'know I deliver the mail round here, but do they call me Donald the Postman? No they don't. You see those fine crofts up on the hill there, well, I built more than half of them myself, but do they call me Donald the Croftbuilder? No, they don't. And did you pass the nets down in the harbour? Well, I made several of them, but do they call me Donald the Netmaker? No, they don't. But, I tell you, ...

 1) jokes ( beer festival)  After a Beer Festival in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.    Coronas president sits down and says, "Señor, I would like the worlds best beer, a Corona."   The bartender takes a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.    Then Budweisers president says, "Id like the best beer in the world, give me The King Of Beers, a Budweiser."   The bartender gives him one.    Coors president says, "Id like the best beer in the world, the only one made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors."   He gets it.    The guy from Guinness sits down and says, " Give me a Coke. "   The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, " Why arent you drinking a Guinness?"    and the Guinness president replies, "Well, if you guys arent drinking beer, neither will I." 😃😁😀😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😀😀😀 ====================================...

While visiting England, George W. Bush is invited to tea with the Queen.  In conversation, he asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says she surround herself with intelligent people, which helps her to make wise decisions.  He asks how she knows if the people around her are intelligent.  "I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate." She phones Tony Blair and asks, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question:    Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?" Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am. " "Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?" "Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!" Upon returning to Washington, he decides he'd better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations C...

Raju Srivastava   

  Relationship between, 🤷‍♀️wife and watch..⏰ Similarities :- 🤷‍♀️ ️= ️⏰ 1. ️ The ⏰ clock keeps ticking round the clock!! And the wife🤷‍♀️ ️ keeps doing kit-kit round the clock !! 2. ️ The hands of the clock⏰ turn around and come there !! In the same way, no matter how much you explain to your wife🤷‍♀️, she will roam around and come there and make her own point. 3. ️ If the clock⏰ breaks down then it goes to the mechanic !! Wife ️🤷‍♀️ If it gets spoiled then it goes to mother's house !! 4. ️ Cell (battery) is used to charge the watch⏰ !! And the salary is used to charge the wife🤷‍♀️ ️ !! Oddities :- ️ × ️ 1.⏰ When the clock strikes 12, the three hands appear to be the same !! But when the wife 's 🤷‍♀️12 o'clock If so, a wife also appears 3-3 !! 2.There is a fixed time for the alarm of the clock⏰ !! But there is no fixed time to sound the alarm of wife ️🤷‍♀️ !! 3.If the clock⏰ goes bad then it stops !! But when the wife🤷‍♀️ gets spoiled then it starts !! ...

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines.     He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London.   The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat.   The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well-dressed middle-aged lady and was being used by her little dog.    The war weary soldier asked, "Please, maam, may I sit in that seat?"   The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans.   You are such a rude class of people.   Cant you see my little Fifi is using that seat?"   The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.   Again he asked, "Please, lady.   May I...

English is a funny Language. One fascinating word of English Language is Oxymoron:  An Oxymoron is defined as a phrase in which two words of opposite meanings are brought together. Here are some area scatter oxymorons.. .1) Independently dependent. 2) Clearly Misunderstood. 3) Exact Estimate. 4) Small Crowd. 5) Act Naturally. 6) Found Missing. 7) Fully Empty. 8) Pretty Ugly. 9) Seriously Funny. 10) Only Choice. 11) Original Copies. 12) Open Secret. 13) Tragic Comedy. 14) Foolish Wisdom. 15) Liquid Gas. 16) Stupidly Intelligent. 17) Richly Poor. 18) Naturally Homemade. 19) Impatiently Waiting. 20) Living Dead. 21) Beautifully Ugly. 22) Educated Illiterate. And The Mother of all...HAPPILY Married   You can add More Below...

A group of girlfriends is on vacation  when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.  The Bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works.  "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. Its easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you whats inside. " The women start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: " All the men here have it short and thin. "   The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.  The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here have it long and thin. "  Still, this isnt good enough so the friends continue on up.  They reach the third floor and the sign reads: " All the men here have it short and thick. "   They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on ...

One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish.  About that time, a businessman came walking down the beach, trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family. "You aren't going to catch many fish that way," said the businessman to the fisherman, "you should be working rather than lying on the beach!"  The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied, "And what will my reward be?"  "Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish!" was the businessman's answer.  "And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman, still smiling.  The businessman re...

Sam and John were out cutting wood when John cut his arm off . Sam remained calm, wrapped the arm in a plastic bag, and took the arm and John to a surgeon. "You are in luck," said the surgeon. "I am an expert in re-attaching limbs. Come back in four hours when l have completed the operation." Sam returned in four hours and the surgeon said, "I did it faster than I expected. Jon is down at the pub." Sam rushed down to the pub and was amazed to see John playing darts. A few weeks later, Sam and John were cutting wood again when John accidentally cut off his leg. Sam put the leg in a plastic bag and took it and John back to the same surgeon. "Legs are harder," said the surgeon, "but I'll see what I can do - come back in six hours." Sam returned in six hours and the surgeon said, "I finished early John's playing football." Sam went to the field and to his surprise found John kicking 50 meter torpedoes. A few weeks l...